Broadview Hawks Football Club

Battered Hawks Come Up Short as Gemmell Takes Cucumber Title August 12th, 2008

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If you happened to find yourself standing on the playing fields of the University of Toronto's Scarborough campus on Saturday, one would have been forgiven if they confused them with the "killing fields", as the Hawks were handed their third defeat for 2008 and a massive blow to their OAFL premiership plans. In what promised to be the match of the round, a determined Broadview team took to the field at precisely 12 noon with notable absentees and injuries. Perhaps the club's biggest worry may be with star centreman and 2008 OAFL MVP favourite Nick 'Pouts' Shuttleworth, who was seen going through late fitness tests but was finally ruled out minutes before the game. Other notables missing from the line-up were the team's onballer and 2007 OAFL MVP John McGrath and back flanker Hank "I just love weddings, I would have gone to Forbesy's as well if he had invited me" Suh. If that wasn't enough, it was evident from a distance that the club's vice captain, Luke Walker, was supporting a severe head injury that was to see him start on the bench. To find another clue to how the day was to unfold, one only had to point towards the field where the Harris brothers could be seen going through their pre-match paces and were clearly unsettled by being at the ground before the game had started. With dark skies settling overhead it was evident from the start that this was not going to be the Hawks finest hour.

Nevertheless, a battered Hawks team led by Nick 'If JMac can go to LA then so can I' Barden lining up for the first time at centre-half back and Jono 'If it's about cucumbers, she may let me come out' Barlow replacing the injured Shuttleworth in the centre. The game got underway with the Roos hitting hard and simply showing more desire to get the football. Although having the football in their forward line, the Hawks found it near impossible to convert or move the ball forward towards the goal line as the Roos' backline put the young Hawks under pressure. In contrast, the Roos' forwards made everything count from their upfront opportunities and began to pour on goals, clocking up four goals to the Hawks zero by quarter time.

Back in the centre, the Hawks rucked away, winning most of the taps but the Etobicoke onballers were proving to be too big of a handful and continued to win the centre and feed their hungry forwards. The Hawks were to post a mere two points by quarter time. With nothing good to point to in the first quarter and, to make things even more troublesome for the coach, new back pocket player Rob 'I am going to hit someone before the year is out' Vickers, after been instructed by his own coach to punch everything that comes near him, managed to smash the club's vice captain Barlow into next year. The shot sent him to the bench and added him to the growing Hawks' injured list. After failing to convert goals in the first quarter it was up to the team's Canadians and its Northwind stars to show the way. Rhys 'Frodo' Harris continually attacked the ball and found support from his captain Stefan Leyhane, who both put up some fighting signs in an attempt to demonstrate that the Hawks had even showed up for the game.

A frustrated Walter failed to energise his players at quarter time. In desperate moves that would later prove costly, Walter moved Danny Walker up field onto the ball and placed the reliable Steve Casey onto the half-forward flank in an attempt to give the team some extra firepower away from the centre. But again there seemed to be very little response from players and it wasn't until halfway through the second quarter that the Hawks managed to post their first major. Walker and injured Chris 'I just can't understand women, I mean why would she pick my cucumbers?' Phyland, along with Harris tried to send the ball numerous times long into the Hawks' forward line. But as the rain began and the Hawks' big upfront and usually dominant forwards failed to hang onto the wet ball, they just could not seem to find the middle of the sticks. To add further complications, the 2007 OAFL leading goalkicker Danny Walker took a kick to the back that sent him to an early shower as he didn't return for the rest of the day. Trailing by seven goals at half time and faced with the fact that very few teams have made it back from there to win games in the OAFL, it looked all but over for the Hawks.

The second half started pretty much like the first for the Hawks and it wasn't until halfway through the third quarter that newcomer Henry 'I live at Gracies' Chen managed to get boot on ball to post the Hawks' second for the day. Although down by a colossal 10 goals at the third change, the Hawks fought on. Aubrey 'Everyone likes my chick' Harris fought hard and Adam 'Cracky' Verduman put in his usual honest game. There were reasonable last quarter efforts from Barlow, Leyhane, Hilly and Casey and solid performances from the team's backmen of Bridgman and McLean, along with inspiring runs from new improver and Northwind winger Mario Parejo, but it was all too late.

In a day that left the Hawks' management and its supporters seeking answers, the Hawks managed to only kick three goals and in the end the Roos proved too strong, running out 72 point winners — handing the Hawks their biggest defeat in three years. What promised to be their strongest performance for 2008, and only their second game on their new field, turned into 80 minutes of soul-searching pain. As the rain continued, the look of disbelief came across Walter's face and you could only think that he would have rather been somewhere else that day.

Post game, the Hawks' top brass placed the club under an immediate media lockdown while the club's coaching staff and senior management began to reflect on the day. There were very few Hawks available for comment other than past players and those on injury list, and I am sure very few comments to make. However, one of the team's vice captains, Luke 'Rock diving is not so fun' Walker, was caught in the carpark and asked to comment about his performance. He replied "listen, it was hard work out there and I was only on for a quarter, and, yes, I have played better. If you are trying to get some dirt out of me then it is not going to happen. Just because Metro finally decided on Dan, doesn't mean the three of them aren't going to get along, that was not the reason why Shutts or myself didn't take the field." Past player and team legend Dan Noone who was seen with his new son at the game: "football's a team sport, you need 18 players who want the footy and are proud to wear the jumper," he said, "we just didn't have that today, but the club will rebuild", hinting of a return. when asked of a comeback he said "listen I can't even wear the famous #19 because they stuck it on the wall in Gracies, the bloody idiots. They should of put Belly's or Carter's there, not mine!" New recruit Sebastian Pareja was also seen leaving the oval supporting a sprained knee, adding to Walter's injury list worries.

That evening the Hawks attended as guests of honour the inaugural Toronto Cucumber Growing Fest. In an unexpected upset, and to the disgust of Hawks' management that had gathered, Forbes Gemmell showed up with a winning cucumber. Celebrity judge Andrew Hodd would later be heard saying, "listen it was close, real close, but seriously, I know Forbes and I like his work. I also know how hard he has worked to win this event. Sure there are reports of me and him leaving downtown bars together and yes Forbes did show me his winning cucumber one night before tonight's final, but I did not favour him in my decisions." He added, "besides Phyland is known to argue back at umpires in the past. But again let me say this did not factor into tonight's result." In a surprise victory that saw Forbes and his wife Maureen win two of the three categories, the champion centre-half forward later stated "it is all about love, music and weddings, I played my favourite Hannah Montana CDs to them everyday. It's what you have to do with them at an early age. Plus, I recommend having as many wedding parties as possible!" Runner-up Chris Phyland and his wife-to-be Jess were obviously devastated and Phyland was later heard saying how hard it was to take. "You put months of work into a race, only to lose in the length section to Gemmell... it is tough, but as usual, we'll take it one year at a time. He has always had a bigger one than me. We both know it. Now I bet he will continue to sludge me behind the scenes at every event."

The team then moved on to an undisclosed nightclub on the downtown College Street. In the confusion of the night, this reporter can't remember just how many Hawks were in attendance but believes the function was supported by most of the team, including rare sightings of Barlow and Mintz. Confirming the large number was the fact that rookie player Cracky showed enormous future leadership by ordering 25 shots for the entire team. One couldn't help think that perhaps he should of done that before the day's game.

You can see your Hawks next week in Ottawa as they travel to the nation's capital to take on the ever-improving Ottawa Swans at the Rideau Raceway Complex.