Footy Trip Buffalo 2007: RIP Kevin Bridgman December 7th, 2007
There was a buzz in the air as the big names from the Hawks were lining up at Union Station to join the Hawks' super mega mystery tour. Alright maybe it wasn't a mystery where they were headed and the buzz may have been the fumes from the previous night's warm up. With the departure time drawing closer there were some nervous faces with the brothers Walker missing -- the older one the only one with details for the trip -- but they did arrive with enough time to get the tickets. The first part of the mystery tour was then revealed: only half the crowd had business tickets and the others were left to head off down to cattle class. There were rumours that Dan "I forgot I am in Peru that weekend" Noone had got wind of the seat debacle and wasn't willing to lower himself to that.
With the border out of the way, the team convened in the dining car where the beer flowed like wine and the burgers like soggy cardboard. Having only 45 minutes between the border and Buffalo, the boys had to pin the ears back if they were going to finish their allocated three beers each.
Upon exiting the train and getting the first glimpses of what appeared to be a post-apocalyptic downtown Buffalo, there were mutterings of "what the hell is all that white stuff?" and "where the hell is everyone?". With the need for directions, the Hawks found themselves in a bar quicker than you could say "does anyone object to Parik getting a room to himself?" Kevin "Stefan is not human" Bridgman would be ruing the fact he held his tongue soon enough. After getting a few beers under the belt and acquiring a very ordinary sweater from about 1982 (probably the last time it had been washed) for John "$25 sweater" McGrath's head, the team headed to the hotel. They wiped the smile off the faces of hotel management with the first stacks on in the main foyer started by Dan "I'll drink the spillage off the bar tray for cheap laughs" Walker with a heavy tackle from behind on his brother.
With the luggage deposited at the hotel, it was off to the Pearl Street brewery for a meal and the chance to mingle with the local mullet-wearing Sabres fans. To help fit in, the boys had their own mullet and ceremonially passed around the sweater -- the one time that a camera was allowed on a footy trip, capturing the moment when a local Buffalonian in camouflage embraced his mulleted brother Hawk.
As the game time got closer and the number of empty beer tubes piled up, Luke "What, only $20 for a round of shots? Get two" Walker got two rounds of shots that were followed up by a random guy that had been standing by trying to protect his two girls from the ever-advancing Walker brother team. Stefan "I can't believe Bridgy got whiter than me" Leyhane, in full mullet and sweater glory, was seen trying to find the secret to the Buffalo chicken wings in the kitchen.
The tab was paid and the boys hit the HSBC Arena only to find themselves higher than Joe Cocker on the third level. The game got underway and the Sabres were putting away more goals than Matty "Stares at other people's food" Parik puts away hotdogs. After the seventh goal there was an incident that rivals the high 5 disaster of the west Indian cricket team when Nic "I won't condone that in the work place" Barden raised a high five that left Luke with mustard all over his face. It wasn't apparent then but mustard and Bardo were to make another bold statement at a later time.
The excitement got too much for one local fan who had joined the Hawks, thanks to the ticket left vacant by Noone, so he was politely woken and told the game was over. After the game, there was a quiet night cap had at one of the downtown establishments where it was decided that they all should go to bed early to make sure they didn't miss the train the next day and -- I repeat -- no one got escorted home by the police or thrown out of any bars.
The morning greeted the team with a local emergency response unit who were called for what was presumed to be an act of biological warfare only for it to be cleared as a stench coming from one of the rooms. They found Bridgy inside and resuscitated him but he never recovered. While Bridgy drove the porcelain bus, the team roundezvoused at the hotel bar where the wings piled up mostly in front of Parik and Andrew "Looks awfully natural in a mullet" Hodd. Ian "I am way too good looking for Buffalo" Graham did his best to impersonate a pile of coats in the corner. It was at this time when Sammy turned up courtesy of Nic "I can spend more money on something less relevant than Jmac" Barden. With dog under arm -- and then kicked across the car park -- the Hawks were on their way to stand at the train platform for the delayed train. This allowed time for the biggest snowball fight that downtown Buffalo has ever witnessed. There were big snowballs, little ones, some that were off target and hitting locals cars, bags full of snow, Chris "Insert angry comment here" Phyland sliding across the platform and Sammy biting ankles.
The train eventually arrived and the boys loaded up and split between the two classes again. The guys down the back were left to sit there and enjoy each other's company while the guys up front emptied the bar and stocked their pockets for the hour long wait at the border. Again the boarder crossing went off without a hitch and again there was a compulsory team meeting which took place in the bar to celebrate the fact that they let everyone back into Canada. Everyone was there -- Sammy, Pinball, the guy studying dentistry in the corner, and the Frenchie collecting tickets -- and, after a quick whip around, there was a pool put up and Nic "Keen as mustard" Barden took to the tub of Dijonaise. Unfortunately, this was one eating challenge Bardo was unable to complete as he only downed about 30 packets.
By the time the train pulled into Union the only thing left in the bar was three cans of Guinness and a bottle of wine. With the votes for Best on Trip about to be cast, Bardo made one last plea to his followers by tipping his Ceaser Smirnoff on his head. Post game analysis was conducted at Gabby's, where it was left to the seasoned professionals to put the last nail in the coffin that was Footy Trip Buffalo 2007.
On a personal note from this author, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride as I sat at work the next day shaking with withdrawl symptoms and sweating alcohol -- it was a trip to go down in history. Police escorts, mullets, the sweater, Sammy, Pinball, the feta pizza and Smitty being voted Worst on Trip.
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